Dealing with the death of a loved one is an incredibly difficult experience. Not only is it a time filled with immense sadness, it’s also a period that demands an exorbitant amount of decision making. The entire experience can feel overwhelming, but there are ways you can make the process easier.
Planning for these times can take a significant amount of pressure off while you grieve. But whether you’ve made prior arrangements or find yourself lost in a sea of to-dos, we’re here to help. This step-by-step guide will lead you through what you need to do and when you need to do it. Here’s what to do when a spouse dies, plus a few tips to help you prepare so you can make things a little easier.
Steps To Take When a Spouse Passes Away
Everyone’s situation is different. Some people work with an estate planner to arrange details long before they die while others encounter unexpected circumstances they could never prepare for. No matter your situation, there are a few things you can do to prepare for the death of a loved one. Doing these tasks now will help save you time down the road.
Preparing for the Inevitable
Dealing with grief following the loss of a loved one is a big enough task. Taking time beforehand to prepare can help make things easier both mentally and physically during the grieving process.
One of the best things you can do to prepare is to gather all the important documents in one place.
You don’t want to be running around trying to find all your important paperwork while dealing with a million other tasks. This is especially important if your spouse is the one who typically handles the finances. Do what you can ahead of time to organize important documents and keep them in a safe spot. Here are the documents you should have on hand:
Marriage certificates and birth certificates
Real estate documents including deeds and leases
Wills or trusts
Life insurance policies
Pension and retirement account documents, including IRAs, Roth IRAs, and 401(k)s
Social Security numbers
Tax returns
Bank statements and investment account statements from financial institutions
Mortgage and loan statements
Asset titles including to cars, trucks, and RVs
Insurance statements for car insurance, health insurance, and homeowner's or renter’s insurance
Recurring bills
Keys or a code to the safe deposit box
It’s also important to talk to an attorney and draw up estate planning terms that meet your and your spouse’s wishes. Having this documentation in place can help you avoid the probate process and a drawn-out battle over your spouse’s will.
If your spouse dies without a will, the estate will go into probate — a legal process where the courts decide who has the right to the remaining assets. It’s a long process that can take months or years in the case of complicated estates. Avoid an additional legal headache by drawing up a will ahead of time.
Estate planning websites like LegalZoom offer guides on how to write your own will or you can pay a small fee (around $100) to have them write one for you. If you choose to write your own will, make sure to sign it in front of witnesses or have the document notarized. The estate may still need to go to probate, but it’ll be a little simpler if you have some sort of will rather than nothing at all.
For more complicated estates — like those with multiple investments, lots of assets, or complicated beneficiary plans — you may need to talk to a lawyer to make sure everything is accounted for. You can ask your accountant or financial advisor for a referral or talk to other attorneys you may have used in the past to ask if they have any recommendations. If you live in a small town, you can call the probate court and ask for attorney recommendations or call the state bar association to get a list of certified options.
Talk with your spouse about what you want to happen if you were to die before him or her. Choosing details including the funeral home and whether or not you want to be cremated or buried are all important decisions. Having this done before you die will save your partner from making difficult decisions without knowing your preferences. Include this information in your last will and testament or a health care proxy.
Things To Do Immediately
The last thing you want to do after your spouse dies is deal with legal requirements and paperwork. While you can’t avoid some steps in this process, you can make things easier by using the preparation above. Here are some of the things you’ll need to take care of immediately following the death of a loved one.
Notify Immediate Family
Breaking the news to your close family members can be heartbreaking, but also helps to relieve some of the pressure of figuring out what to do when a spouse dies. Relatives and neighbors can all help to offer comfort and make a great support system as you navigate this process. Some family members may be aware of arrangements or wishes and can share information that makes your decisions easier.
Manage Organ or Medical Donation
Some people choose to have their organs donated or their body donated to medical science for research upon their death. If your spouse chose this option, contact the medical institution they made arrangements with.
If your spouse hasn’t made arrangements, you can choose to donate their organs or body as well. If you’re not sure of your spouse’s choice, check their driver’s license, which will have a symbol, typically a red heart, along with the words organ donor on the front. You can also check your spouse’s will to find their requests.
Once you've made a decision, the hospital will put you in contact with a coordinator who can help you navigate the process. If your spouse died in the hospital, make sure to get copies of the discharge papers. If your spouse died somewhere other than the hospital, contact your local hospital, and they will help you make arrangements for free.
Contact the Funeral Home or Crematory
If you have not made arrangements, now is the time to contact funeral homes and make a decision on the final resting place of your spouse. Ask close friends and family if they’ve worked with any funeral homes that they would recommend. Call a few different places to compare pricing and see what’s included in each funeral service offering.
You can also choose to deputize a friend or family member, handing off the task to someone you trust. Making these decisions in the moment or even beforehand can be overwhelming. Make sure to take care of yourself during the process and ask for help when you need it.
Doing this ahead can help save you time and save you from making decisions during this difficult time. Aside from taking into consideration what your spouse wanted, think about what you can afford and what type of funeral will help you and the rest of your friends and family heal.
Once you’ve made funeral arrangements, contact extended family and friends whom you would like to be present at the funeral. Contact any family, friends, and colleagues that you haven’t notified already. Notify your spouse’s employer and any groups that they were part of. Your spouse’s employer can tell you if they had a pension plan and what happens moving forward.
The funeral director will help you get the death certificate and certified copies of the death certificate. You can also get copies from your state's vital statistics or vital records office, the health department, or your city hall.
Some vital records offices offer walk-in hours to obtain certified death certificates. You’ll need to provide personal information and photo identification if you choose this route. The death records include the deceased’s full name, cause of death as indicated by the medical examiner, and the date of death and time of death.
We recommend obtaining 6-12 additional copies of death certificates, depending on the size of the estate and how many organizations need to be notified. The processing time to get a death certificate can take anywhere from same-day processing to multiple business days or weeks.
Contact an Attorney
Find or call an attorney so you can start to go over the details of your spouse’s will. Without a will, an attorney can help explain and guide you through the probate process. The attorney can help answer questions related to debts and payments that may need to be paid as well as any special arrangements laid out by your spouse.
Things To Do in the First Week
Once you have the immediate tasks taken care of, you can switch your focus to getting the financial affairs in order. Here are some people you should contact and tasks you should address in the first week after your spouse dies:
Call your banks and credit unions to update the account holder’s information. Close bank accounts you no longer need and update any death benefit information you have on file.
Contact your financial advisor to change your beneficiary information and assign assets according to the will or trust.
Contact your insurance policy providers including those for life insurance and car insurance. Change or cancel policies as needed. Contact the life insurance company as soon as possible, as it can take several weeks to disburse your monetary insurance benefits.
Request your spouse’s credit history from all three credit bureaus to ensure there aren’t any outstanding debts. It’s also a good time to contact your credit card companies to cancel any credit cards that are no longer needed.
Call the DMV and other companies to update the titles and deeds of assets such as your vehicles and recreational equipment.
Contact the Social Security Administration and request information on spousal and survivor benefits if they apply.
Contact organizations including the Veteran’s Affairs office and labor unions that your spouse was a part of. You may be entitled to survivor benefits upon your spouse’s death.
Contact your health insurance company or Medicare insurance to file a claim if your spouse received medical care before his or her death.
Things to Do in Months 1-4
While the previous tasks focus more on setting processes in motion, these tasks center more on wrapping up final details. During this time, you should start closing accounts that are no longer relevant and prepare for the months to come. Here are the next steps for what to do when a spouse dies. Remember that you can continue to call on your friends and loved ones for help as you work your way through these tasks.
Cancel Email Accounts, Websites, and Group Memberships
Cancel any memberships your spouse may have had and no longer needs. These include things like country club memberships, AAA memberships, and other organizations such as senior support services.
It’s also a good idea to contact the elections office to remove your spouse from the voter rolls. Close email accounts and business or personal websites only when you are finished with the estate process. Emails may be useful during the planning stages as your spouse may have saved important details such as insurance policies.
Contact Your Tax Advisor
You need to file an income tax return for your spouse as well as an estate tax return during the year of your spouse’s death. Keep track of bank statements and other important financial documents so you have everything you need when tax season rolls around.
Contact College Financial Aid Offices
If you have a son or daughter who is attending college, contact the school’s financial aid office. Your child may receive additional financial aid and other benefits upon the loss of a parent.
Final Action Items and Moving Forward
Life after death can be difficult for the surviving spouse. The death of a spouse is a tragic life event that can turn anyone’s world upside down. From securing Social Security benefits to updating retirement plans, the period after the death of your spouse is one filled with many tasks. If you’re wondering what to do when a spouse dies, this list will help you navigate the process.
Moving forward, it’s a good time to update your spending and savings plans along with your retirement plans. If you find yourself with a windfall after the death of your spouse, talk to a financial advisor to help you manage the money intelligently.
Losing a spouse is not easy. Be sure to take care of yourself and allow yourself time to grieve as you work your way through these tasks. If you’re worried about living alone, it’s ok to create a scheduled time to connect with friends and use an extra safety net like Snug.