Aging is a natural process that can’t be avoided. The years go by and we slowly get older and transition into new phases of life. As adult children, we take on new responsibilities like chasing a fulfilling career, raising a family, enjoying adventures with furry friends, and eventually, caring for our aging parents.
For some people, providing care simply means doing occasional minor chores like cleaning the gutters or hanging Christmas lights. For other adult children, care involves medical appointments and discussions of the best living arrangements for parents who aren’t self-sufficient anymore.
Regardless of your situation, caring for aging parents requires knowing your options and recognizing what your parents need from you. In this guide, we’ll offer tips on how to care for aging parents. You’ll find useful resources and learn how to create a care plan that addresses your needs and the needs and desires of your parents.
How To Develop a Care Plan for Aging Parents
First and foremost, a care plan should be designed around the well-being of your senior parents. At the end of the day, arrangements should be tailored to suit your parents’ specific needs and address areas where they aren’t able to be self-sufficient.
In order to develop a care plan, it helps to understand the basic activities that contribute to emotional and mental well-being. These are just as important to overall well-being as your parents' physical abilities. By understanding which activities your parents are able to perform on a daily basis and which ones they struggle with, you can craft a care plan that will address their physical, emotional, and mental needs.
Start by taking into account activities of daily living and instrumental activities of daily living. These two categories identify basic activities that ensure the happiness and safety of seniors.
Activities of Daily Living (ADL)
On a fundamental level, there are certain daily actions that make up a safe and healthy living environment. If your parents can’t meet these needs on their own, you may need to hire outside help or consider changing their living arrangements.
Here are the main activities of daily living:
Having essential mobility, including getting out of bed, sitting down and being able to get back up, and so on
Getting dressed
Feeding themselves
Maintaining personal hygiene, including bathing, showering, brushing, flossing, and shaving
Using the restroom, including walking to the toilet, cleaning, and being able to get up off the toilet.
In essence, these daily activities are essential to overall well-being. As we age, mobility issues and ailments such as Alzheimer’s or arthritis can make these tasks more difficult. If your parents have problems completing these tasks, ask yourself if you can help or if they need more skilled support.
You can also purchase equipment and tools that make these tasks simpler. For example, if your parents have a hard time getting up from the toilet or feel unsteady in the shower, installing metal bars or a shower chair can make the job easier. Additionally, you may want to look for dining chairs with arms that offer support when sitting down and getting up, or get your parent a cane, walker, or similar device to help them move more easily throughout the house.
Identifying which essential daily activities they need help with can form the basis of your care plan.
Instrumental Activities of Daily Living (IADL)
In addition to ADLs, it’s important to take into consideration other activities that aren’t fundamental but are still important to mental, emotional, and physical health.
These are known as instrumental activities of daily living and include:
Cleaning and caring for the home or apartment
Shopping for necessities, including groceries
Cooking meals
Taking care of finances, including paying bills
Knowing and taking prescribed medications when required
Parents often struggle with these needs before they need help with their essential daily activities. They may stop cooking meals if they’re by themselves or they may stop driving as their vision becomes impaired or they feel uncomfortable on the road. Whatever the case, addressing these needs can help your parents stay in their own home longer and avoid more extensive care.
How To Make Decisions on Living Arrangements and Finances
When it comes to caring for aging parents, it’s particularly important to address living arrangements and finances. These two elements are essential in the overall well-being of your parents as well as their ability to manage their care needs.
Living Arrangements
There are several different living arrangements that can meet the needs of aging parents. The best options will depend on a combination of what your parents want and the level of care they require. Here's a look at the options.
Living at Home (Aging in Place)
For many seniors, living at home as long as possible is the ideal goal. If your parents are able to meet all of the ADLs, they are perfectly capable of staying in their own homes. For seniors that struggle with some of these tasks, they may need daily assistance from a volunteer, family member, or professional caregiver to remain at home.
You may also need to make changes to the house to make living at home easier. This includes buying taller toilets or installing bars that make it easier to sit down and get back up. It may mean installing a ramp to make it easier to get in and out of the house.
Living With a Family Caregiver
For older adults who are generally self-sufficient but may require occasional care or more support, living with a family member can be a good option. This home care arrangement can offer valuable companionship for an older person and the family member can provide basic assistance when needed. This arrangement is best when a senior parent needs non-skilled care rather than skilled medical care.
Independent Living Communities
These communities offer extensive opportunities for independent seniors to stay connected and active. In most cases, seniors purchase a home, apartment, or room in a senior community. These living arrangements don’t provide any medical support, but they do offer extensive opportunities to socialize. Many independent living communities offer access to on-site gyms, health clubs, and services, including laundry, landscaping maintenance, and security.
Assisted Living Communities
Assisted living communities are ideal for seniors who are still fairly independent but may need extra support with daily activities. Seniors typically rent entire apartments or a private room in a large building. The communities offer volunteers or medical staff to assist with taking medications, transportation, and completing essential tasks like bathing. These communities also offer social activities such as art classes, game nights, and exercise programs like yoga and tai chi.
Nursing Homes
Nursing homes are ideal for senior parents who need medical care but aren’t sick enough to require hospitalization. They’re a good option if your parents have a health problem that requires short-term rehabilitation or if they have a medical condition like advanced Alzheimer’s that requires skilled support and long-term care. Nursing home care provides 24-hour nursing staff every day.
Financially, nursing homes tend to be more expensive than home health care options because they offer a higher degree of medical support.
Medicaid benefits may cover a portion of the living expenses, but residents can still be charged for extras including a private room (unless it's medically necessary), television and radio amenities, and activities outside the scope of the regular activity program. You can find out more about what Medicaid covers in terms of nursing home arrangements at the Medicaid site.
Medicare generally doesn’t cover the costs of assisted living facilities or independent living communities. The plan will only cover essential care in a skilled nursing facility if you can prove it’s medically necessary.
Finances
Taking care of senior parents also involves financial obligations. Whether they choose to live on their own or they need medical support, there are ways to reduce the financial care costs. Programs like Eldercare Directory and Paying for Senior Care make it easy to find financial assistance for a wide range of senior care needs. You can find local, state, and federal resources to help with everything from exercise classes and care insurance to legal support and heating and energy discounts.
Additionally, caregivers may receive tax benefits when they provide care for senior relatives. To receive these benefits, you’ll need to declare your parents as dependents on your taxes. You may also be able to deduct certain medical expenses. Talk to a qualified accountant or use free tax support provided by state and federal agencies. Resources include Tax Counseling for the Elderly and local Volunteer Income Tax Assistance programs from the IRS.
Besides the financial costs, it’s important to make sure your senior parents’ finances are in order. You may need to set up a power of attorney or put their assets into a living trust. Finances can be complicated and include things such as pensions, life insurance, social security, assets, wills, and investments.
Start by locating these documents and keeping track of where all important financial information is kept. Once you’ve taken stock of all financial obligations and assets, it’s useful to talk to a financial advisor who can help you decide how best to protect your parents' estate. They can help your parents craft a will and set aside money for their care as they age.
Think about talking with a financial advisor or working with a nonprofit financial counseling service such as the NFCC to discuss financial options. If you're not sure where to find financial advice for your aging parents, ask the local senior center for recommendations or reach out to your parents’ accountant for a referral.
Tips on Caring for Aging Parents
There isn’t one right way to care for our parents as they age. For some of us, our parents will live into their 90s with little help required. Others will have to offer support when a parent gets sick or develops mobility issues earlier in life. Whatever your situation, here are some tips for caring for aging parents.
Gauge the Situation
Understanding what your parents require assistance with is key to developing a care plan that will be effective and reasonable for everyone involved. Sit down with your parents and make a list of daily tasks they may need help with. Don’t forget to ask about any weekly or monthly tasks that may be becoming burdensome.
If the lines of communication aren’t transparent within your family, talk to friends and neighbors to see what they have been helping your parents with. Keep an eye out for activities that your parents struggle with when you’re visiting. Make your list of tasks based on this information.
Once you have your list, you can start tackling items one by one. If they need help with yard work, you can think about paying a neighbor, hiring a landscaper, or working with a community group to take care of the space. You can hire an elder care expert to come spend time with your aging parents and help with daily tasks like cleaning. Or, you can hire a nurse to drop by and administer medications as needed. You’ll also be able to discuss if your parents would be happier at home or in an assisted living community or other alternative.
Know Your Limits
In order to provide care for your parents, you need to be able to care for yourself. Many caregivers find themselves stretched beyond their limits or burned-out, a situation that’s not productive for anyone involved. Take on tasks you know you’ll be able to provide without getting overwhelmed. Don’t be afraid to ask for help with daily tasks you can’t commit to or that are above your skill level.
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, take a step back, and develop a new approach to your care plan. Identify areas where other people can help and reach out to local resource centers for assistance.
Use Your Resources
When caring for aging parents, you’re not alone. Even if you’re an only child, there are dozens of resources you can use to support your needs and the care needs of your parents.
Here are some resources that can help:
In-home caregivers: Some care needs require specialized training. If your parents need extra support, talk to a part-time or full-time in-home caregiver. Look for senior care services in your area by talking to the local senior center or other resource centers.
Senior center programs: Bingo nights, weekly book clubs, and golf outings can all offer valuable socializing opportunities with other seniors. You can use the U.S. Administration on Aging’s eldercare locator or search the internet to find senior centers in your area.
Senior companion programs: Some communities have area agencies staffed with volunteers who spend time with seniors. They may take walks together, read, or simply share memories of the past. Volunteers with the Senior Service companion programs can also assist with daily tasks or things that come up around the house.
Senior sports classes: Enroll your parents in senior-oriented sports or exercise classes. Local gyms often offer special training sessions. You can also find classes for seniors with certain ailments. Rock Steady Boxing offers specialized boxing classes for people with Parkinson’s. Silver Sneakers offers access to gyms across the United States from Los Angeles to New York, and has virtual or online classes.
Meal Delivery Services: If your parents need help cooking and eating balanced meals, a meal delivery service can help lift some of the burden off your shoulders. You can choose to have groceries delivered if your parents still enjoy cooking, but grocery shopping is a difficult task. Alternatively, you can get ready-to-eat meals from programs like Meals on Wheels for parents who have a hard time preparing meals or don’t feel like cooking anymore.
Support Groups: Parents and adult children who take care of them can both benefit from support groups. Look for groups that address relevant health issues or are specifically for caregiver support, or find a general senior support group that can offer valuable information and caregiving tips.
Ask for Help
We all need a little help sometimes. Don’t be afraid to reach out to siblings, family members, neighbors, friends, and other loved ones if you need some support. They can help you accomplish small tasks around the house, pick up the food responsibilities one night of the week, or check other items off your to-do list. Start by figuring out how someone can help lighten your load. Then, reach out to see if they can offer assistance.
Get Support From Snug
Finding the right living arrangements and caring for aging parents is one way we can help them transition into their golden years. You may be able to support your parents on your own or you may need to enlist the help of professional elder care providers. Remember, there are always resources you can use to make the process easier. Reach out to friends and family or use local agencies in your area to get support.
If your parents are aging in place, living alone in an independent living community, assisted living community, or nursing home, Snug is a great way to stay connected. It’s a free, friendly service where seniors check in daily. If your parents miss a check-in, the app will reach out to emergency contacts who can determine if care is needed.
